Win People to Your Way of Thinking
Dale Carnegie: Win People to Your Way of Thinking
In a previous article, “Being Friendly: A Dale Carnegie Business Solution”, the importance of being friendly was discussed from Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Being friendly is part of doing good business, and winning people to your way of thinking is a great way to overcome the many barriers that can come along with doing business, too. It is not always easy to get things done when everyone has a different idea of how to approach business operations, like marketing projects, collecting on invoices, earning new clients, etc. Further, when a dispute is in place, it can be challenging to get other people to do the things you ask of them. Dale Carnegie offers good advice on how to break those barriers down.
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking:
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying, “Yes, yes.”
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.
(Source: Carnegie, Dale. How to Win Friends and Influence People. Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc. 1981.)
To Highlight a Few:
Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
When you and your coworker do not see eye to eye on something, it is easy to point fingers and say “You’re wrong.” Sometimes you may not say those exact words, but might as well say it by making other comments like “That is a silly idea”, “Why would anyone do that,” or even by making facial expressions that allude to the same context. Instead, it is better to respect each other’s opinions just as you would want respect for your own ideas. You respecting the other person’s opinion makes it easier for them to be open minded in truly hearing your ideas. Telling them that they are wrong will only put them on the defense, potentially creating an impossible barrier to overcome in getting your opinions heard.
Get the other person saying, “Yes, yes.”
A good way to begin is by asking questions to which you expect the answer to be, “Yes.” The answer, “Yes”, not only sounds more pleasant, but puts you and your associates on an agreeable playing field. By emphasizing the things that you agree on, it stimulates positive responses, more positive with each question. By the end of the conversation, they will be more agreeable than they may have been in the beginning.
Appeal to the Nobler Motives.
Everyone likes to view themselves with noble intentions and values. Appealing to these values and intentions will inspire them to do what you are asking of them. You might mention how they always stick to their word, stand by their product, make the right decision, etc. This is a positive reinforcement of their willingness to participate, take action, or make a decision for you before it happens. It, of course, must be genuine or the other person will detect your phony manipulation tactic. But honestly appealing to the other person’s nobler motives will benefit your request.
Reading Dale Carnegie’s book is a great way to grow professionally because it contains several principals on how to improve business relationships, which something that every business professional should be eager to learn. Each rule listed above has its benefits. If you have not already, learn them, try them, and reap the benefits both personally and professionally.
In a previous article, “Being Friendly: A Dale Carnegie Business Solution”, the importance of being friendly was discussed from Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Being friendly is part of doing good business, and winning people to your way of thinking is a great way to overcome the many barriers that can come along with doing business, too. It is not always easy to get things done when everyone has a different idea of how to approach business operations, like marketing projects, collecting on invoices, earning new clients, etc. Further, when a dispute is in place, it can be challenging to get other people to do the things you ask of them. Dale Carnegie offers good advice on how to break those barriers down.
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking:
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying, “Yes, yes.”
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.
(Source: Carnegie, Dale. How to Win Friends and Influence People. Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc. 1981.)
To Highlight a Few:
Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
When you and your coworker do not see eye to eye on something, it is easy to point fingers and say “You’re wrong.” Sometimes you may not say those exact words, but might as well say it by making other comments like “That is a silly idea”, “Why would anyone do that,” or even by making facial expressions that allude to the same context. Instead, it is better to respect each other’s opinions just as you would want respect for your own ideas. You respecting the other person’s opinion makes it easier for them to be open minded in truly hearing your ideas. Telling them that they are wrong will only put them on the defense, potentially creating an impossible barrier to overcome in getting your opinions heard.
Get the other person saying, “Yes, yes.”
A good way to begin is by asking questions to which you expect the answer to be, “Yes.” The answer, “Yes”, not only sounds more pleasant, but puts you and your associates on an agreeable playing field. By emphasizing the things that you agree on, it stimulates positive responses, more positive with each question. By the end of the conversation, they will be more agreeable than they may have been in the beginning.
Appeal to the Nobler Motives.
Everyone likes to view themselves with noble intentions and values. Appealing to these values and intentions will inspire them to do what you are asking of them. You might mention how they always stick to their word, stand by their product, make the right decision, etc. This is a positive reinforcement of their willingness to participate, take action, or make a decision for you before it happens. It, of course, must be genuine or the other person will detect your phony manipulation tactic. But honestly appealing to the other person’s nobler motives will benefit your request.
Reading Dale Carnegie’s book is a great way to grow professionally because it contains several principals on how to improve business relationships, which something that every business professional should be eager to learn. Each rule listed above has its benefits. If you have not already, learn them, try them, and reap the benefits both personally and professionally
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