Dale Carnegie: Win People to Your Way of Thinking

Win People to Your Way of Thinking

Dale Carnegie: Win People to Your Way of Thinking

In a previous article, “Being Friendly: A Dale Carnegie Business Solution”, the importance of being friendly was discussed from Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.  Being friendly is part of doing good business, and winning people to your way of thinking is a great way to overcome the many barriers that can come along with doing business, too.  It is not always easy to get things done when everyone has a different idea of how to approach business operations, like marketing projects, collecting on invoices, earning new clients, etc.  Further, when a dispute is in place, it can be challenging to get other people to do the things you ask of them.  Dale Carnegie offers good advice on how to break those barriers down.

How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking:

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

2. Show respect for the other person’s opinion.  Never say, “You’re wrong.”

3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

4. Begin in a friendly way.

5. Get the other person saying, “Yes, yes.”

6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

10. Appeal to the nobler motives.

11. Dramatize your ideas.

12. Throw down a challenge.

(Source: Carnegie, Dale. How to Win Friends and Influence People. Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc. 1981.)

To Highlight a Few:

Show respect for the other person’s opinion.  Never say, “You’re wrong.”

When you and your coworker do not see eye to eye on something, it is easy to point fingers and say “You’re wrong.”  Sometimes you may not say those exact words, but might as well say it by making other comments like “That is a silly idea”, “Why would anyone do that,” or even by making facial expressions that allude to the same context.  Instead, it is better to respect each other’s opinions just as you would want respect for your own ideas.  You respecting the other person’s opinion makes it easier for them to be open minded in truly hearing your ideas.  Telling them that they are wrong will only put them on the defense, potentially creating an impossible barrier to overcome in getting your opinions heard.

Get the other person saying, “Yes, yes.”

A good way to begin is by asking questions to which you expect the answer to be, “Yes.”  The answer, “Yes”, not only sounds more pleasant, but puts you and your associates on an agreeable playing field.  By emphasizing the things that you agree on, it stimulates positive responses, more positive with each question.  By the end of the conversation, they will be more agreeable than they may have been in the beginning.

Appeal to the Nobler Motives.

Everyone likes to view themselves with noble intentions and values.  Appealing to these values and intentions will inspire them to do what you are asking of them.  You might mention how they always stick to their word, stand by their product, make the right decision, etc.  This is a positive reinforcement of their willingness to participate, take action, or make a decision for you before it happens.  It, of course, must be genuine or the other person will detect your phony manipulation tactic.  But honestly appealing to the other person’s nobler motives will benefit your request.

Reading Dale Carnegie’s book is a great way to grow professionally because it contains several principals on how to improve business relationships, which something that every business professional should be eager to learn.  Each rule listed above has its benefits.  If you have not already, learn them, try them, and reap the benefits both personally and professionally.

In a previous article, “Being Friendly: A Dale Carnegie Business Solution”, the importance of being friendly was discussed from Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.  Being friendly is part of doing good business, and winning people to your way of thinking is a great way to overcome the many barriers that can come along with doing business, too.  It is not always easy to get things done when everyone has a different idea of how to approach business operations, like marketing projects, collecting on invoices, earning new clients, etc.  Further, when a dispute is in place, it can be challenging to get other people to do the things you ask of them.  Dale Carnegie offers good advice on how to break those barriers down.

How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking:

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

2. Show respect for the other person’s opinion.  Never say, “You’re wrong.”

3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

4. Begin in a friendly way.

5. Get the other person saying, “Yes, yes.”

6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

10. Appeal to the nobler motives.

11. Dramatize your ideas.

12. Throw down a challenge.

(Source: Carnegie, Dale. How to Win Friends and Influence People. Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc. 1981.)

To Highlight a Few:

Show respect for the other person’s opinion.  Never say, “You’re wrong.”

When you and your coworker do not see eye to eye on something, it is easy to point fingers and say “You’re wrong.”  Sometimes you may not say those exact words, but might as well say it by making other comments like “That is a silly idea”, “Why would anyone do that,” or even by making facial expressions that allude to the same context.  Instead, it is better to respect each other’s opinions just as you would want respect for your own ideas.  You respecting the other person’s opinion makes it easier for them to be open minded in truly hearing your ideas.  Telling them that they are wrong will only put them on the defense, potentially creating an impossible barrier to overcome in getting your opinions heard.

Get the other person saying, “Yes, yes.”

A good way to begin is by asking questions to which you expect the answer to be, “Yes.”  The answer, “Yes”, not only sounds more pleasant, but puts you and your associates on an agreeable playing field.  By emphasizing the things that you agree on, it stimulates positive responses, more positive with each question.  By the end of the conversation, they will be more agreeable than they may have been in the beginning.

Appeal to the Nobler Motives.

Everyone likes to view themselves with noble intentions and values.  Appealing to these values and intentions will inspire them to do what you are asking of them.  You might mention how they always stick to their word, stand by their product, make the right decision, etc.  This is a positive reinforcement of their willingness to participate, take action, or make a decision for you before it happens.  It, of course, must be genuine or the other person will detect your phony manipulation tactic.  But honestly appealing to the other person’s nobler motives will benefit your request.

Reading Dale Carnegie’s book is a great way to grow professionally because it contains several principals on how to improve business relationships, which something that every business professional should be eager to learn.  Each rule listed above has its benefits.  If you have not already, learn them, try them, and reap the benefits both personally and professionally

http://cornerworld.com/win-people-to-your-thinking/

QW #5 - Success Tip

(For success), you need to believe you have gotten the big things right and only need to fix the tiny details.

- advice given to Kirsti Alley from her partner on DWTS in order to have the right mindset to keep moving on and to never give up.

QW #4 - Everything is Practice

i think choking and giving up are both results of thinking of events more of the main event than of practice. It is when we put too much emphasis on it and not allow failure to happen that we get disappointed. And as any person who has been successful in anything in life, failure is part of the natural process. There is no avoiding failure. It is just part of the path...Get through it and u are one step close to success. As i read in a book recently, it is best to look at the success path as more of a U shape than a uphill climb...u start high, fall hard, hit rock bottom, and finally improve your skills and mentality and go higher.

so what do i recommend? I recommend viewing every opportunity and every effort as just practice. There are no main events. there is no real thing. It is all practice. When you view something as practice, you only care about improving. You don't care about the score. You are excited to try out new techniques and to learn. You don't have the added burden of not living up to expectations or falling short of being the best. It doesn't matter in practice. The goal of practice is just to do and to learn. And that is how we should approach everything in life.

So, here is my rule of thumb:

1. view every attempt as practice. there are no main events. everything is practice
2. think up new techniques for every practice. That way it continues to be exciting and never gets boring.
3. enjoy the fact that you are doing it and improving your skills.

* i thought of this when i was playing tennis with rino yesterday. i was doing better than normal and wanted to give up because i wanted to end on a high note. i wanted to end it by being able to say that the score was close and i was able to play well. and i was afraid that if i keep playing that i would lose and all that will be remembered was that i lost. i was scared to do worse and "fail". It was only when i realized that it is just practice. it is not a real match and even if it was, that is still practice. as with every grand slam final for federer is practice for him to improve as a player, so to are every matches i play. This mentality helped me work hard for a few more points then i got bored. That meant that just seeing it as practice was not enough. I needed to find ways to spice things up...that is why viewing it as a match is good...it makes it more interesting but there are many drawbacks to that. So i needed to think of another way to do it but without the drawbacks...and my solution was to find new techniques i want to work on continually during the practice. in doing this, i am always focused on something and can't get bored. I will get joys from trying out the new technique and feel that i have used my time and effort wisely...and that is how all this came about...

QW #3 - opportunities

Taking full advantage of your opportunities is one of the toughest things to ever do. When in a situation, we are always seeking better and to avoid pain...this usually leads to laziness and wanting to avoid hard work even though that hard work might bring many great experiences...

Cure: Think about all the opportunities u are given because of your current job / situation / age / location, etc...From this list, you can find things u want to do and can do now that might never be available later...its hard work to do this and against the natural tendency to avoid pain, but in the end, u will have more positive and enriching experiences as a result

Think of how much more i could have learned at a certain job, in a certain location, with a certain person...so much opportunity and we ignore it everyday so we can go home early to sleep, escape in a book, or watch tv to numb the brain.

QW #2 - regrets

Short term regrets are in things we DO, long term regret is in things we DON'T do.

This is the difficulty with choices sometimes. We hurt most just after making a bad decisions but when we look back on our lives, we hurt most from the times we did not act.

Knowing that hurt is unavoidable in life and that should regrets are to be expected is the first step to better decisions. By accepting this inalienable yet sad truth about life, we can focus on doing things to momentarily take the small hurts in life but able to look back and not have the big hurts from huge regrets.

QW #1 - present

When the sun is out, we believe it will shine all day (but thats not the truth), then its dark and cold, we believe it will never end (and that also is not true).

Seems as though our problems lie not in not living in the present but getting too fixated on the present being the absolute truth...(and that is course not true)